Sunday 1 September 2013

2013 Senate Candidates for Lazy Voters (Part II)

And here we go - diving in, once again, to political mayhem!!  Here is PART II of the definitive guide to NSW Senate Candidates, 2013.  (If you missed it, find Part I here.)  Hold onto your hat, Bob Katter!!!



BTA - Bullet Train for Australia.  Asperger Syndrome and Train-spotters party goes high tech?? Single issue (well, that's Aspergers, for you!)  and weird initial preferences, but the last three are Greens, Labour, Libs then One Nation.  Bullet Train Senators promise to abstain from voting on all other issues (excepting "matters of conscience"...  hmmm)

LIB - Libs!

APP - Australian Protectionist Party.  Scary Racist Rednecks.  With guns.  Preferences from Right to Left as you'd expect.

AJP - Animal Justice Party.  Interspecies equity means affirmative action for Animals, too.  Skippy for PM!!   Their policies only relate to the treatment of animals. However, if live exports and factory farming of animals makes your blood boil, they may be the candidates for you! Preferences all over the place, except that the Shooters party is last, of course.

AFP - Australia First Party.  This party's official platform is to "tell those LibLab Bastards where to get off!"  They have "rules of engagement" in the war against refugees.  They are anti-multicultural, anti-gay... hell, they are anti-everything.  Except beer (just as long as it's Australian beer).  Preferences begin with Family First and meander strangely from there.  (I smell a preference deal!)

AIN - Australian Independents.  This relatively new political group seems committed to fostering true participatory democracy, and requires candidates to be able to put personal beliefs aside, if necessary, in order to fully represent their constituents. Moderately progressive, their policies are quite "solutions focused", and though some aspects might be argued as impractical (eg, some aspects of their refugee policy), it is heartening to see a party with such a positive approach - not to mention, beautifully airbrushed leaders!!!

DLR - Drug Law Reform.  (The other kind of "crackpots"??) Single issue party, standing on the premise that prohibition of drugs causes more harm than good (black market, criminal activity, etc.)  No other policies.  Preferences to Democrats and other moderate progressives, then major parties (Greens to Libs) and extremist parties last.

SEP - Socialist Equality Party.  An Australian branch of an international Socialist Workers Union. Undoubtedly, they are Spies!!!!  Preferences run Left to Right, as you'd expect.

DEM - Australian Democrats.  These guys have been around a while.  A moderately progressive party, they have detailed policies on most areas of concern.   Broadly speaking, they stand for egalitarian values, including multiculturalism, equality under the law, and participatory democracy.  They are concerned about climate change, controlled population growth, allowing for compassionate processing of refugees.  Their preferences are apparently strategic, as they make no sense whatsoever!

Tom WANG.  (Independent - but with a name like that, he should seriously consider running for the Sex Party! ;)  His political banner is "Advance Australia in Asia".  He is interested in strengthening Australia's trade relations with Asia, and encouraging immigration on "economic merit".  Few policies on anything else.  Preferences first to Clive Palmer's mob (presumably a "business thing"?) then moderates through to radicals, with ALP before Libs somewhere near the top.

FFP - Family First Party.  "Conservative" Christian party.  No policy on refugees.  Climate change deniers, Unsurprisingly, opposed to marriage equality.  Preference extreme right first, down to major parties, Greens, then Sex Party last (such spoil-sports!!)

SPP - Stable Population Party.  Because we are SOOO overpopulated!  These guys believe stemming population growth will solve everything else.  Period.  I can't figure out their preferences.  They seem to be aiming to confer no advantage on anyone.  Except Clive Palmer - they put him last!

SFP - Shooters and Fishers Party.  I made a mistake in Part I.  THESE are the guys who put snipers in state forests! AND they are very proud of it.  (See here).  They do have policies on other areas.  Big on border protection, which includes keeping out black market commodities, asylum seekers and exotic diseases.  They are concerned about population control and foreign ownership, and in favour of mining and industry.  And guns.  Their preferences run, quite logically from extreme right (One Nation) to the Greens.

SCSG - Stop Coal Seam Gas Party.  A single issue party, but possibly an issue that will affect many other areas.  Not affiliated with any other political party, but sprinkled amongst their hodge podge of preferences, is Greens first, ALP somewhere below them, and Libs towards the bottom.

RPA - Australian Republicans.  The Queen is dead - Long live the Republic!!  Self- described as "a futuristic, secular-humanist, free enterprise libertarian party of the Enlightened Centre."  (????)  Few detailed policies, but a commitment to a two-tiered, American style presidential replublic, zero population growth, recognition of "first Nation" Australians, Water food and energy security, and an end to any emissions trading scheme, on economic grounds.  Preferences mostly moderate liberals, Coalition before Greens, then ALP.  

SA - Socialist Alliance.  These are the guys you see hanging out on street corners and Uni campuses, handing out copies of the Green Left Weekly.  All about social justice for workers and the poor.  Good to see we have a few extreme leftists, to balance the preponderance of extreme right parties, this year!  Preferences... Greens first, One Nation last.

NCP - Non-Custodial Parents Party.  Single Issue. Self-explanatory.  All about family law and parental access.  They do have other policies, though these are fairly sketchy.  Preferences begin with One Nation, and run down from the extreme Right, putting the Greens last.

PIR - Pirate Party.  Why is this not numbered RRRRRR!!!!???  My absolute favourite, and I think we should all vote for them because of their name!!  Turns out, they are all about copyright.  (What a disappointment - I was thinking if we could get these guys AND the Sex Party in, it would make for some swashbuckling, kinky fun in parliament!) In actual fact, they do have policies on other things too, which are progressive, and ever-so-slightly anti government (as befits all true buccaneers;)   Their preferences put the greens first, and One Nation last.

SPA - Secular Party of Australia.  Gotta have an antidote to all those "Religious Right" options!!  These folks stand for rationality, scientific evidence, and the abolition of Scripture in Schools.  They describe their policies as "Socially and economically Liberal".  Preferences put Democrats first, and Christian Democrats last.  Greens before ALP, before Libs, somewhere in the middle.

AMEP - Australian Motoring Enthusiasts Party.  Yet another party that believes government shouldn't restrict motoring fun!  It seems we Aussies are remarkably passionate about our recreation and lifestyle!!  Preferences are a little uneven, but favour the far Right.

ON - One Nation.  Under Pauline Hanson.  Please explaaaain why Fish and Chips is not our National Dish??  No Foreign food.  No Foreign ownership, and NO FOREIGNERS!!

Ron POULSEN  Independent.  Member of the Communist League.  Hails from the Seat of Blaxland, in the Blue Mountains.

David ASH  Independent.  Barrister.  Calls himself a "Small l-liberal".  Seems to have a "philosophy" more than any policies.  Work it out if you can!

Sam NATHAN  Independent Mystery Candidate!

John LA MELA  Independent.  Apparently an "advocate for Veterans Affairs and Coal Seam Gas mining".  Not sure if he's for or against CSG.  Why not ring him and find out??


And there you have it!!  All makes perfect sense, now, doesn't it??  Ahh well...  this is Aussie politics, after all!




Saturday 31 August 2013

2013 Senate Candidates for Lazy Voters (Part One - It's a bloody long ballot!)

Don't know who's who in the race for Senate seats, this election?  Worried your preferences will go who-knows-where if you number above the line, or somewhere evil if you make a mistake, numbering below??



Well, worry no more!

I spent a few hours today sorting through the 110 Senate candidates who will be on my ballot paper next Saturday, ensuring I am now up-to-speed with ALL their platforms and policies ;)

Rather than selfishly hoarding all this comic gold, I thought I should share the results of my research.  I present to you my (only slightly) tongue-in-cheek guide to the Senate paper, 2013 - in order of appearance.

Since the paper IS rather long, here is part 1.  Part II to follow (Well, probably.  More probable than Tony Abbott's policy costings, anyway.)

LDP - Liberal Democrats.  Conspiracy theorists and logical crackpots.  Make perfect sense if you live in an ever-so-slightly-alternate universe.  Their preferences go to the extreme right, beginning with One Nation.

TCS - No Carbon Tax Climate Change Sceptics.  The name says it all, really!  These are the nutjobs to the right of the crackpots, and judging by their preferences their alternative universe has a religious rightwing flavour - though strangely, their website features clean blue skies and grass that would make the Greens proud - and the featured powerpoint has eastern meditation music as a background.  Going for some dramatic irony, perhaps??

DLP - Democratic Labour Party.  Anti abortion, anti gay, and anti refugee.  And anti technology, probably, since their website wouldn't load when I tried to check it.  Preferences somewhere between the far right nutjobs and almost-as-far-right crackpots.

SOL - Senator Online.  Here's a novel idea!  A party without a platform - instead they have a mobile app that allows the public to vote on senate bills, and their senator will vote according to the majority...  Not sure what to think - but they DO have Tim Ferguson (GO the Doug Anthony Allstars!) & some ex footy-star or other....  What could possibly go wrong??  Oh, and protest preferences - major parties last, ALP Coalition then Greens.

VEP - Voluntary Euthanasia Party.  Single Issue party.  Their candidates offer what, in most politicians, we could only wish for; they will actually volunteer to drop dead.  Kooky hodge--podge of preferences, ending with Labour, Coalition then Christian democrats last.

Andrew Whalan - Independent.  No website.  Bipolar preferences.  Could be a wild-card!!!!

HMP - Help End Marijuana Prohibition Party.  Single issue.  Self explanatory.  & clearly "under the influence" when they divvied up their preferences!

CA - Carer's Alliance.  Single Issue.  Right wing preferences.

WK - Wikileaks.  Standing for Accountability and openness in parliament. Will post all senate documents online.  Preferences go to the Conspiracy theorists, Greens, then Labour.

RUA - Rise Up Australia.  Flag waving redneck immigrants (Yes, really!)  Anti gay, anti abortion and anti refugee. Their slogan is "Keep Australia Australian"and their candidates are, ahem... "new Australians".  Their preferences go to the Religious Right first, and Greens last.

FUT - Future Party.  Should be named the Sci-fi party!  Dedicated to bringing Australia into the 31st Century via technological advance, and building a space-age supercity between Sydney and Canberra.  No refugee policy.  Pro marriage equality.  Qualified support for drug legislation reform. Definitely pro fast broadband!  Somewhat sensible preferences.

CDP - Christian Democrat Party.  Fred Nile.  'Nuff said.

ALP - Labour.

KAP - Katter's Australia Party.  The Mad Katter strikes out on his own!  Right wing policies and preferences.  And Big hats!!

VCE - Australian Voice.  Standing for greater community involvement in political decision making, and representing the electorate, rather than a "party line.  Does seem to assume a redneck "average" Australian.  Preferences to Rednecks first, Greens last.

ASXP  - Sex Party.  Whoo-hoooo!!  (Is that something like an orgy??)  Their election promise is to spice things up in the Senate!! These guys are Sexy, Progressive, and anti-green all at once!

AFLP - Australian Fishing and Lifestyle Party.  Single issue.  Strategically places snipers in state forests (to shoot down the opposition?).  The Great Outdoors - it's a great place to kill stuff!  Greens preferred last.

GRN - Greens

PUP - Palmer United.  Billionaire Narcissist Party.  Free Palmer DVD's for all Electorates!  Confusing mixture of preferences, but Labour is last (Which makes sense,  because after all, it WAS  KRudd  who delayed Palmer's private jet!)

BAP - Building Australia Party. - Literally!  Using stud adhesive and nail guns! A single-issue party that is Pro development and anti-Green.  Their preference ticket lists the far right first (though interestingly, the Sex Party and Family First are listed side by side - perhaps a party with a sense of humour?)  Major parties last, listed Libs, ALP, Greens.

UAP - Uniting Australia Party.  Pay politicians less, and soldiers more.  Less aid.  More jobs. Punish criminals.  Stop the boats.  Welcome to those immigrants who are willing to "fit in".  Right wing preferences (but you already knew that!)

ODR - Stop the Greens.  This is actually a 4WD club.  Really.  Their platform is the back of a 4x4 Truck ( Can't let the business of government distract from outdoor recreation! )  No prizes for guessing who they preferenced last!

SMK - Smokers Rights.  Another single issue party - because, apparently, smokers are being persecuted in our country.  ALP and Greens Preferenced last.